Why the ones who pull back are the ones you lean toward
You lean toward people who don’t lean back, and some part of you watches yourself do it. The wanting comes first. Then the quiet where their answer should be. Then your mind goes to work on what they meant, what you missed, what you should have done differently.
The question you chose asks “why.” That’s the mind’s favorite word, because “why” can be worked on forever, in bed at night, in the shower, in the middle of a conversation with someone else. If you have time to think, you have the same time to feel. The two almost never happen together, and thinking is the faster runner.
So go to where the pull actually lives. Skip the story about them and find the first second of being drawn. Something warms in your chest and tightens at the same time. Your mind says: “This one matters. They just need time.” Could it be that the tightness you read as “this one matters” is plain wanting with nobody to land on?
There’s a second half to this that has nothing to do with them. You were born with the Moon in Aquarius, so when a feeling gets too close you pull back inside yourself, and a person who is half out the door leaves you plenty of room to do it. Someone who chooses you fully stands close enough that the pulling back has nowhere to go.
A familiar ache feels safer than a happiness you’ve never tried. The ache has a shape you know: the waiting, the guessing, the effort to be chosen. You can run that one in your sleep. A person who simply stays asks something you may not have practiced, which is to feel it while they’re there.
You don’t have to figure out what’s wrong with you. Nothing in this has to be solved at a desk. Stop for a second and notice that your attention is already moving toward the next explanation. That movement is the mind doing what it does when a feeling is near.