The one name missing from your list
“Why is it so hard for me to want anything for myself at Christmas?” You probably asked it in the middle of making a list. Gifts for the kids, something for your sister, the neighbor who always brings cookies. Somewhere near the bottom there’s a line that’s supposed to be you, and it stays blank.
You were born with the Sun in Sagittarius, so there’s a big, generous heart at the center of you. You like making things happen. The tree goes up, the table fills, people laugh, and part of you lights up watching it. Giving isn’t a chore for you. It’s how you love.
With the Moon in Aries, your feelings move fast and want to act right away. When a want of your own shows up, it barely gets a second before something quicker steps in front of it. Your mind says: “I don’t need anything. Just get them what they asked for.” And you’re already on to the next thing.
Could it be that wanting something for yourself feels slower than giving, and you’ve never had much patience for slow? Giving has a direction. Wanting asks you to stop and listen to something small and unsure in you. That’s a different kind of brave.
If you want, one evening this month, when the house is finally quiet, sit down for a minute. Close your eyes, let your hands rest palms down, and let your body be open. Ask yourself, without answering in words, what would feel like a gift to me this year? Then feel where something moves, the chest, the stomach, the throat, from the inside, with attention. If you want to stop, you stop.
Whatever shows up doesn’t have to be wrapped. It might be an hour. It might be a no you’ve been putting off. It might just be the permission to want.
You’ve been writing everyone else’s name on that list for a long time. It’s allowed to have yours on it too.